2.5 Morning Sun

Cordelia took her time getting dressed, glancing out of the window every now and then. It was still dark outside.

She sighed. Nights were so long this time of the year. She’d managed to avoid Micah for the last couple of days, but now that she had to return to work, she had no choice but to get up while it was still dark.

She had no idea what to say to him, after their last conversation. Last thing she had told him was that she didn’t care if he stayed or left. As far as she could tell, he hadn’t moved out. It was difficult to say, he never left much of a trail behind, kitchen untouched.

The day after New Year’s Day, she realised he hadn’t started any new paintings, so she decided to check his room. Ended up staring at the coffin for ages.

She’d never been one for watching her lover sleep – of course, not that she had much of an opportunity for that. Could Micah feel her presence?

She didn’t think so, from what he’d told her, vampires were pretty gone to the world when they were in their hibernating state.

What was she doing? Micah was not capable of sleeping, he was not her lover, and she was gawking at a box.

Cordelia pushed the thought aside as she finally headed out of her room to set off for work. No need to make seeing him even more awkward than it was inevitably going to be.

Which wasn’t going to be long. She wasn’t planning on lingering in the house any longer than needed, she could always just send Ollie to get her some breakfast from town.

There was no sight of Micah in the painting nook, once again, no fresh canvas on the easel.

Cordelia felt oddly annoyed by that. She knew Micah, he painted to deal with whatever he was feeling. And he’d painted nothing at all since New Year’s Eve. So much for his proclamation of supposed love.

Downstairs was dark, quiet, and looking untouched. That wasn’t out of the ordinary, though, Cordelia told herself, trying not to panic.

Or had he actually left? Was the coffin empty the other day? She wasn’t sure if that made staring at it more or less pathetic. Not that it mattered.

If Micah was gone… Her head was spinning. She needed air.

This was ridiculous. There was no point freaking out about him being gone. She didn’t even know for sure if he’d really left. There was one easy way of finding out, though.

Cordelia knew exactly how much supply should be left in there, with what Hawthorne took with her to Britechester.

And then she realised there was light coming out of the shed.

A sigh of relief escaped her lips before she managed to stop herself. Well, he was here. And she was trying to not cross paths with him just a few moments ago, she reminded herself.

But it was too late. He’d spotted her through the glass and opened the door.

Cordelia quickly looked away. It was only then she started paying attention to the shed itself.

“Where is the fizzing machine? And all of the plasma juice?” She blurted out. “Hawthorne might need a new batch soon…”

“Not with the amount you sent her off with, she won’t,” Micah chuckled under his breath. “If her first semester is anything to go by. Seems she doesn’t need as much as we’d thought.”

Cordelia ignored him, looking around the shed.

“It’s in Sylvan Glade,” Micah explained. “The machine, the juice, we moved it all. To make room for the woodworking bench again.”

She stared at him blankly. “We?”

“Dandelion helped me.” Micah clarified. “I went over to ask if he’d mind us storing the fruit in Sylvan Glade instead of here, and he offered to give me a hand.”

“So… what do you think?” Micah gestured around the shed.

Seemed bigger without all the machinery and crates. All that was really in was that old woodworking table. Micah must have brought that down from the attic.

“I figured you’d want it to be more of a blank canvas to make it your own.” He added, sounding unsure of himself. “That maybe you’d want to fill the room with things you made or-“

“I think you and Dandelion wasted your time. The shed was fine the way it was.” She said stiffly.

Micah looked hurt for a moment, but recovered quickly.

“If you ask me, Dandelion was looking for something to do.” He objected. “I’ve never seen him this preoccupied. But he wouldn’t tell me what happened. I think-“

“Micah!” she stopped him from straying from the subject. “Dandelion, moving the plasma juice, all of this…” She motioned towards the woodworking bench. “Are you not going to say anything about what happened on New Years’ Eve?”

He gave her a strange look. “I didn’t think you wanted me to. It’s clear you’ve been avoiding me for the last few days.”

Her eyes shot to the floor. She regretted bringing it up. What did she want him to do, exactly?

“I’m not sure there is much to say anyway,” Micah shrugged. “I told you how I felt, you don’t feel the same way. Only thing left to do is to move forward, right?”

“And this is how you move forward?” She asked. “If anything, this is going back in time.”

“How long has it been since you made anything?” He asked her softly.

“I don’t remember.” She told him.

“I’m not trying to force you to do anything. I’m just saying the option’s there, if you ever wanted to pick it up again. You used to-“

“Quit trying to fix me!” She burst out. “I’m not your charity case! I bet this makes you feel good about yourself… go to hell, Micah!”

Cordelia managed to compose herself. “I have to go to work.”

She didn’t wait for a reply, leaving Micah in the shed.

The morning sun finally started to creep in as she approached the shop.

Not long till shorter nights, Cordelia told herself.

25 thoughts on “2.5 Morning Sun

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  1. This is so sad 💔
    Your color choice in your photos supports the depressing mood. Even Sylvian Glade has lost the colors and has become gray and sad like Dandy and Micah’s minds.

    I feel like shaking Cordelia to wake her out of her doze. She’s so frozen. No one else can melt the ice and I fear she has lost the ability to save herself. Her inner struggle is so devastating and not just for herself.
    I will not comment further on what she evokes of emotions in me.
    When I see her face in the last picture. It is so sad 💔

    Now I’m just waiting for the sun to rise.😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Now that you mention it, those colours are pretty drab in this update, yes! I wasn’t even conscious of that when doing the filters but definitely fitting!

      That’s the tricky thing, isn’t it; people’s inner struggles don’t just affect them, but others too – as we have seen throughout the story with just about everyone involved. Cordelia is definitely in a hole that is difficult to climb up from.

      Oh dear, you may be waiting a while for that sunrise 😅

      Like

  2. Ok first thing. That chest in Cordy’s room looks amazing! It’s so pretty!

    Oof Cordy is fighting with herself in there. First she expects to see a proclamation of love, and when Micah shows it in the form of a woodworking table, she throws a fit at him. There’s the denial, there’s also the numbness and taking for granted the presence and efforts of our loved ones. Not that Cordy will admit that Micah’s a loved one. I do wonder how much of this denial and suppression stems from the pain of living with a ‘spouse’ who frolicks with a past lover who screwed her over. I wish Cordy were more appreciative of Micah, but if she’s hurting inside because of him, it makes sense that she wouldn’t acknowledge his efforts nor care.

    Oof so much contradictions. Micah, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Or is adamant that there’s no problem. You know where I stand w Micah and Cordy. I’d just be a broken record at this point 😀

    There she goes to work in silent relief that Micah hasn’t abandoned her, all the while telling herself that she’s only tolerating his presence. . . . . 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that chest! I believe it’s a part of the Tiny Twavellers set by Harrie in case you’re not fearing bloating your Downloads folder a bit more 😀

      Oh yes, a lot of contradictory behaviour and thoughts going on here. She can definitely be prone to taking people for granted sometimes, we’ve seen her do that with Dandy in the past sometimes too. You’re right, a lot of her behaviour is a defence mechanism. And it’s not exactly without reason either. From what we know, Micah and Morgyn have been pretty on and off throughout the years, so what’s to say this time is different and Micah’s really done with Morgyn for good? But it’s tricky, Cordelia is looking for something to support Micah’s claims but at the same time rejects anything of that nature, so it’s hard to know what would be ‘enough.’ Her trust in other people (and Micah in particular) might just be irrevocably broken. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

      You really can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, but apparently that’s not stopping him from trying, haha.

      “There she goes to work in silent relief that Micah hasn’t abandoned her, all the while telling herself that she’s only tolerating his presence. . . . . ” That is exactly what she’s doing, yep. 😞

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s true. It’s hard to tell from Cordy’s perspective where Micah stands now and whether he’s sincere about it. That’s still a lot of ice to chip though.

        Weeeelll, I like that it doesn’t stop him from trying. I think in one of my earlier comments I mentioned that Micah needs to prove by actions than simply words and he’s off to a good start here. More heavy lifting, more flexing, more feature chapters, more eye candy…. 😏 Ahem. Wut? No. I’m not profiting off his misery. This comment does not exist and is just your imagination. 😆

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Sylvan Glade’s scenery seems void of its usual color. The lack of colors fits the mood of this chapter. Cordelia seems to be numbing herself, not to mention that she has an inner struggle. I could say more, but the other comments took the words out of my mouth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fingers crossed for a happier filter ahead – though I wouldn’t hold my breath. Yes, Cordelia is definitely numbing herself. Which is not an approach that’s worked out the best for anyone in this story so far…

      Like

  4. I’ve already left you comment gibberish on whatsapp as I read but today is a bad day and I want to distract myself, so more simlit it is! 😁

    Cordelia! It feels like ages since we’ve seen a chapter from her perspective, which I guess is somewhat true. Still as stuck as ever, I see. To the point where she’s running away from her own house just to avoid running into Micah again.

    “She didn’t care if he stayed or left”. I call bull, Cordy. You don’t hate running into someone and actively avoid being in the same house as them if you don’t care. I don’t know why, but her leaving the decision of leaving or not to Micah, and not taking control of her life herself, is rubbing me the wrong way. I really feel for her but I also wish she would think more about what she needs, not just about how bad the hand she was dealt is. It really was a terrible hand – but she’s still holding on to it. The poor woman is so stuck.

    Micah and Dandy clearing out the shed to make room for her woodworking bench was sweet, but… felt oddly inappropriate too? Micah lives there so it’s his shed too, but to just… move all of her things away (including the fizzing machine for Hawthorne, who Cordelia now shapes her life around) without her permission or even prior knowledge… it’s not good. I can imagine that even if she knew, Cordy wouldn’t have agreed to it. They’re obviously trying to help, but… I don’t know. It reminds me of Morgyn dismissing her shed and conjuring that house. They didn’t ask her what she thought then, and Micah didn’t ask her what she thinks now. The people in Cordy’s life really have a habit of doing that, don’t they?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. *hugs*

      It has been a while! Her last POV was the winterfest chapter, right before Dandy and Hawthorne unlocked the door to the past and unleashed a flood of interludes 😆 Though story-timewise that’s only been a week or two tops! Which is crazy.

      Oh yes, clearly she does care. There are a few reasons why she’s left the decision up to Micah, though. The simplest one being she probably isn’t quite sure what she wants or needs herself – in this chapter alone, we see her hiding to avoid encountering him, but simultaneously being terrified that he has actually left, if that’s any indication of how all over the place she is… Although there’s more to it.

      20 odd years, and Cordelia still has no control over what goes on with that shed. That alone ought to trigger all kinds of reactions in her. Of course, this is Micah, who also thought it would be a good idea to go to Morgyn and ask them to cast a spell on Cordelia to prolong her life without asking her… he means well, though the execution often leaves a lot to be desired, lol. Though on the flipside, he’s likely not had any opportunity to ask since she’s been avoiding him, and I’m not sure he thinks of the plasma juice fizzing machine as ‘Cordelia’s’ per say, since it’s only him and Hawthorne that actually consume said juice.

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  5. Cordelia! He’s just being nice! Ugh I love Micah so much, his relationships with everyone somehow are so interesting to me. I know Cordie is the main character, but Micah has had my heart since you introduced him. To see how he’s being treated, first by Morgyn and now the flat out hostility from Cordelia is insanely heart breaking.

    Poor Dandy! I really hope he opens up to someone soon. We’ve seen too much of what damage holding in your feelings and thoughts can do, I’d hate to see that happen to our precious elf. Also, I wonder what his relationships with Cordie and Micah are like now that Hawthorn is grown.

    Waiting a week for a new update always kills me, but then it’s so worth it! Thank you Plumbob for such an amazing story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think whether Cordelia is the main character is debatable at this point in time. The story does start zoned in on her and only opens up to include more POVs over time, but it was never meant to just be her story. I’d say anyone who’s in the banner is fair game to be considered a main in their own right 😊

      Aww, I’m glad you’re fond of Micah. I love him too, but he is pretty flawed. Perhaps if he consistently finds himself invested in people who treat him like crap, chances are it might just not be an accident.

      I know, let’s hope Dandy doesn’t repeat the mistakes we’ve seen so far. Oh yes, that’s a good point. It’s so tricky when it comes go relationships between elves and humans; on one hand, he’s known Cordelia and Micah for ages now, but at the same time he’s much closer in age to Hawthorne with how elven aging works.

      Thank you so much ❤️ Hopefully I’ll eventually build up a bit of a buffer to start updating more often again, it’s tricky to get the balance right 😊

      Like

  6. Oh damn. It’s been so long since Cordelia did stuff with the crafting table that I completely forgot that it was a thing. I feel for Cordelia- it’s hard to let go of bitterness, even though you will feel better without it. I hope she learns to let it go and move on to find some happiness. Some self love at least. She’s been missing that ever since her mother died and she was harassed by the sprites.

    Micah continues to grow in my heart. Despite his dark entrance, he’s actually made the story a nicer place by being genuinely kind to everyone. I’m glad he hasn’t given up on Cordelia- she really needs someone on her side. I like imagining him in Sylvan Glade, picking plasma fruit with Dandy. So wholesome.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh really? Aww, that is sad. Poor Cordelia. Yes, you’re right, being bitter always hurts you more than anyone else. Self love would definitely be a good place to start. I don’t think she can get very far in terms of progress without that.

      I don’t know if Micah is always kind to everyone (arguably he’s rarely kind to himself, haha), but he’s generally well-intentioned. Oh yes, him and Dandy picking plasma fruit together in Sylvan Glade is something that does happen fairly regularly 🙂 Yay, I deliver wholesome, somewhere in there, occasionally 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Micah has some interesting paintings in his coffinroom. A sad person on a plinth and a painting that looks a bit like Cordelia above his coffin itself. “she was gawking at a box.” Yes, that was my first thought when you entered the room Cordie – what the hell are doing? Aw damn, she’s as much still trapped by this damn love spell as he is.

    Hm. OK, so painting to deal with feelings and having nothing there. My brain doesn’t jump immediately to ‘so there must be no feelings’ Cordelia. He hasn’t just moved on, I guarantee it. I would say that an empty canvas is more from a lack of an overriding feeling and/or not knowing where to start. Perhaps some helplessness. Or maybe he’s trying a new tactic to shake you out of your funk. Unless he’s dead dead. That would be depressing. Nope, sticking with original idea. Not dead dead, still has feelings, overwhelmed.

    Oh Micah. Oops. OK, I get the whole clearing out, finding yourself thing but if someone went into my personal space, moved stuff out and shuffled shit about without telling me, I’d have a few more choice words than “Go to hell!” OK, she isn’t going to change on her own, but it’s not his place to change her and I’m not sure shock tactics are gonna do it, especially as this has essentially ‘erased’ her purpose for the last twenty years and reminded her how things used to be. Kind of like all that time meant nothing. Ah, what a predicament.

    Morgyn, you effing arse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh yeah, Micah does not paint happy stuff. With the exception of the paintings he made for Hawthorne when she was little, like Freezer Bunny in San Myshuno 😆 But I doubt those came from his innermost feelings, lol. Cordelia is still definitely very much under the love spell, yes. I mean, L Faba has been under a love spell for over 40 years and still nowhere closer to breaking it, so that’s not particularly promising when it comes to these two being able to 😅

      “Unless he’s dead dead” Ever the optimist, I see. There can definitely be a number of reasons why he hasn’t painted anything.

      You are spot on about what the plasma fruit juice and plasma juice fizzing machine means to Cordelia. Yes, it was something that gave her a new purpose, something to do for Hawthorne. But there’s also the matter of what the plasma juice means to Micah. It’s something he consumes, something he is reliant on, and something that doesn’t benefit Cordelia in any way. Hawthorne consumes plasma fruit too (though it’s still unclear whether she actually needs it), but that’s “his fault.” So while you can look at it as him taking Cordelia’s stuff, there’s also an argument for it being him taking his vampire crap out of her space to make the space hers again. But they won’t sit down and have a calm chat to help each other understand their perspectives, because of course they won’t 😆

      TL;DR They both have baggage and that shed is full of it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, I gave at least four other more optimistic theories there. But dead dead is a valid reason not to paint, too. Just covering all bases. 😆

        Ooh, so he’s removing himself too. Maybe he’s planning on being dead dead after all. Would he do that to Hawthorne? It was said that death breaks the spell so one of Micah, Cordelia or L Faba is gonna have to die at some point to test this, methinks. 🤓

        It’s like 05:30 and I’m already killing fictional people. I’ll go away.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. This chapter gutted me. It was brutal to read in the absolutely best way.

    I used to think that she was a counter Morgyn, but this chapter completely shifted my worldview. She and Morgyn are the same. In their bitterness, in their determination to “protect” themselves from ever being hurt, they have burned all of their relationships to the ground. And the thing is, they aren’t happier.

    And Micah, I used to think that Micah was the one who was stuck, who could not let go of what their life used to be like. But actually, Micah is the one willing to change, to grab life with both hands, and I think he’s better for it.

    You could just hear Cordelia’s desperation, and it mirrored Morgyn’s so well. She didn’t want to be left alone, she was terrified at the idea that Micah left, but as soon as she saw him again, she just pushed him away.

    You know what I think? Morgyn and Cordelia are the most dangerous kind of creatures because there is a part of them that does want to burn it all to the ground. They want everything to stop, to fail completely, to do their worst, to be left with nothing because then—though they may be miserable and hurt—they’ll be safe. They won’t encounter any surprises. They won’t encounter risk.

    Because despite all their adventures and evidence to the contrary, Morgyn and Cordelia are actually risk-averse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s definitely some similarities between Morgyn and Cordelia, whether it be parallels in their childhood (Morgyn did say from early on that Cordelia reminded them of their younger self) or their current coping mechanisms, albeit Cordelia’s front is less flashy than Morgyn’s. Coincidence? Who knows…

      Micah… He certainly isn’t protecting himself from getting hurt, that’s for sure. Although… If your assessment of Cordelia and Morgyn is correct, there may be some implications about Micah hidden in that too, as someone who claims to have loved them both.

      I’m glad that came through, there’s a lot of contradictions when it comes to Cordelia’s stream of thought, emotions and external behaviour going on here so I wasn’t sure how clearly her feelings would actually come across. Desperation is quite right, and yes, something we have seen in Morgyn before too.

      Interesting, isn’t it. Morgyn is extremely risk averse when it comes to any kind of emotional vulnerability, but not afraid to take risks when it comes to literally dying. Cordelia doesn’t quite go to that extreme, haha, she’s a bit more consistent, which is why we haven’t seen her move out from the house Morgyn conjured or even go along to Britechester when Hawthorne was moving to university. But at the same time, she’s no stranger to some big self-sacrificing moves too, whether it be when she agreed to the whole heir thing, or go to any length to revive Morgyn back when they were dead… so what gives? 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah! Good points about Micah. I’m going to have to ponder that. I also forgot about that line they said to Cordelia. Oh man, one day I’m going to do a reread and I’m sure so many things are going to hit different.

        Her contradictions were really marvelous to read but the undercurrent of her emotion can in loud and clear!

        Morgyn and Cordelia are really complicated layered characters. I love it, even if they break my heart.

        Hmmm it does seem like Morgyn is willing to do anything risky that is dangerous and might end them, but not when it makes them vulnerable emotionally speaking. And you’re right, Cordelia isn’t so extreme…but she is also stuck in a different way.

        Gahhh so much to think about!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I think it was something in an internal monologue in one of their POV chapters rather than said directly to her, I doubt Morgyn would have openly shared that kind of thing 😀

          Yay for complicated contradictory messes. Haha. Thank you ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  9. Wow Cordelia hasn’t gotten any less infuriating 😂 first she wants Micah to leave then she is sad that he left then she yells at him. Wow, this girl needs to sort out her feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I mean, Cordelia and Micah have had a complicated and denial-ridden relationship for the last 19 years or so. He may have decided that he is apparently done with that, but of course, he was also technically at least somewhat with Morgyn up until a few days ago. I’m not sure it would be very realistic for Cordelia’s feelings about all of this to just neatly fall into place overnight. 🙂

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